


Wendy and Ford's Excruciating Adventure

by CaptainLeBubbles



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, It's Mostly Talking, Road Trips, So much talking, Talking, Zero Weirdmageddon, ford is a stubborn fuck, it's the root of their problems really, so is stan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 20:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14316264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLeBubbles/pseuds/CaptainLeBubbles
Summary: Ford doesn’treallywant Stan out of his life but after forty years, it’s easier to cling to resentment than admit that he maybe might have possibly been a tiny bit wrong in his approach. It’ll take a catalyst of epic proportions to get him willing to actually meet his brother halfway on the road to reconciliation, but now that Weirdmageddon has been averted a new one will have to step forward instead.Fortunately Wendy is more than happy to take on the job.Aka the Wendy and Ford zero-Weirdmageddon road trip au that a surprising number of people wanted and are definitely going to be disappointed by.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Was gonna do this as a long one-shot but then I realized the first scene is actually Stan's pov, and the only Stan pov in the entire fic (everything else so far is Ford pov), so I decided to post it as a prologue. So I guess this is gonna be a chaptered fic after all. Other chapters will be longer than this; this is just the prologue.
> 
> If you're here wondering what up with Heartshaped Box, I'm still wrestling the epilogue into submission. Gonna be a bit of a wait on that but it's slowly coming together.

-/-

The kids didn’t question why Stan decided to take them home himself instead of putting them on a bus. They just assumed that he wanted to spend a little more time with them, and since they also wanted to spend a little more time with him, they didn’t look too deeply into it.

Ford and Soos were the only ones to know- Ford because he was the one kicking Stan out, and Soos because Stan hadn’t been able to bear leaving without saying goodbye. He couldn’t do that to the kid, not after his real- not after his dad had already done so once.

Soos had cried a little, and told Stan it would be okay if he wanted to stay with him and Abuelita, and Stan had patted his shoulder and said, hey, he’d think about it, but he knew neither of them believed it. He couldn’t stay in Gravity Falls, not after… everything. The place had been his home for thirty years but it had been Stanford’s space he was taking up, and now it was time for Ford to step back into that space and, as usual, there was none left for Stan. And he knew it would hurt too much to see Ford around Gravity Falls knowing how his brother felt about him.

He loaded up the car with the few belongings he was taking with him the night before, while the kids were asleep and wouldn’t notice to ask why he was taking more than just an overnight bag, and then went inside and started making Stancakes for the kids before they left.

Breakfast was subdued and quiet. Soos and Wendy turned up to tell the kids goodbye, Mabel cried and cried and cried while Dipper pretended to be too grown up for the same, and Soos pulled Stan into a ribcracking hug that no one questioned because it was Soos.

And then they left.

And summer was over.

And Stan told himself that he hadn’t wasted thirty years, because Ford was back and Ford was safe and if Ford couldn’t- wouldn’t- forgive him, that was fine, because that was a sidebar, something he’d hoped for but the main thing was that he was safe and back in his own dimension and safe and Stan figured that if he told himself that enough times, he would eventually start to believe it.

-/-


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ford is kidnapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, before we go any farther, I need to point out that the point of divergence for this fic is the beginning of Dipper and Mabel vs the Future. For reasons that will be made clear later, Ford chose not to take Dipper with him to the alien crash site, and continued attempting to avert Weirdmageddon on his own.

-/-

Wendy left first, waving and saying she’d see them later, and then it was just Ford and Soos and the animals. Mabel had sobbed over leaving her beloved pig behind, but apparently her parents had been firm when she called and begged them to let him come home with her, so now the pig lay morosely on the ground, unsure about why his human had gone away.

The goat- Stan’s goat- leaned down to nose at him, then turned his attention to chewing on Ford’s coat. Ford gave a small shout and tugged himself away. Why did Stanley even  _ have _ a goat?

“Don’t worry about the animals, Dr. Mr. Pines,” Soos said, reaching down to scratch the pig’s head. “I’ll come by and take care of them, I already promised Stan.”

Ford wondered, not for the first time, what Stan had done to earn the boy’s loyalty so intently- from what he’d seen of their interactions, Stan mostly bossed the kid around. He shook his head, both in dismissal of the thought and dismissal of the idea.

“There’s no need,” he said. “I think I can at least manage to take care of some livestock.”

Soos looked like he didn’t believe him, and said, “No, it’s okay. I promised Stan.”

“There’s really no-”

“Dude.” Ford snapped his gaze over, and realized Soos was giving him a stern look. “Just let it go.”

“All- all right. If you insist.” He wasn’t even sure why he was keeping them, honestly, except that Mabel had trusted them with her pig and if he was keeping the pig, he might as well keep the goat, too. At least now he didn’t have to take care of them.

“Anyway, I’ll see you later, dawg. Gotta go find a new job, now the Shack’s closed down.”

There was no malice in his tone, no anger, nothing directed at him to suggest that Soos blamed him for his current predicament.

Which was as it should be, really. Stan had been given ample time to tell his employees to find a new job. If he’d waited until the last minute, if he’d left them in the lurch, it was only because he’d been too selfish to think of their needs as well.

And Ford refused to feel bad for something Stan had done.

-/-

Ford woke the next morning to a quiet house. There was no smell of food cooking coming from the kitchen, no delighted shouts of the kids, no singing coming from Stan or the handyman. No tourists.

He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Finally, he was left in peace. He could get back to getting his life back, and take care of Bill once and for all without interruption.

-/-

The day went by slowly. Ford wandered around the house, trying to decide what to do with all of Stan’s Mystery Shack junk. He ate a late breakfast that wasn’t filled with tense silence because the kids insisted on having him up for mealtimes but Stan refused to look at him or speak to him and the tension bled into the kids. The handyman came by after lunch to take care of the animals, and then stayed around for an hour or so fixing the sink. 

Ford stayed in the kitchen and watched him thoughtfully.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said finally. “I know Stan told you, he doesn’t live here anymore. The Mystery Shack is gone. You don’t work here anymore.”

“Oh, I know, Dr. Mr. Pines,” Soos said cheerily, not pulling out from under the sink. “But Mr. Pines asked me to keep an eye on things, and I don’t mind.”

“...on the animals,” Ford said, an unpleasant thought creeping into his mind. This time Soos did come out from under the sink.

“What?”

“He asked you to keep an eye on the animals. That’s what you told me yesterday.”

“Sure, those too.” He pulled himself back under the sink. “The animals, the house, you, the grounds…”

“What.”

“Oh, haha, whoops.” He came out from under the sink again. “Can you just, like, forget that part? I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

“No, I will not forget it. Are you telling me that my brother told you to continue coming here, where you do not work and will not be getting paid, just to keep an eye on me?”

He shrugged. “I mean, yeah. Why wouldn’t he?”

“Because I’m a grown man perfectly capable of taking care of myself?” After all, he had been for forty years now. Admittedly not particularly well, but he didn’t need a babysitter, particularly this one.

“I don’t think he doubts that.” Soos laughed. “I mean, haha, I guess he does a little? I dunno, he just said you have a habit of getting too buried in your work to take care of yourself and just said to keep an eye on you to make sure you were bothering to sleep and eat once in awhile.”

“Well it’s not necessary. I can take care of myself no problem.”

“Okay, sure thing dude.”

“And it’s not necessary for you to come up here every day to  _ babysit _ me.”

“Whatever you say.”

Ford huffed and drummed his fingers irritably on the table. “You’re going to keep coming back, aren’t you?”

“Yep!” He grinned, not even a little ashamed. “I promised Mr. Pines.”

“But you don’t work for him anymore.”

Soos just shrugged, and went back to fixing the sink. “I don’t know what to tell you, dawg. Just that I promised.”

-/-

Soos left sometime later, while Ford was down in the basement. He was glad to find the house empty again once he got back up; he was slightly worried Stan’s handyman would attempt to move in in a misguided attempt to keep his promise to Stan.

That promise confused Ford. Stan had made his feelings about Ford clear the night Ford came back: Ford wasn’t his family anymore, just because Ford refused to  _ thank _ him for putting the whole world in danger. 

And he certainly hadn’t made any attempts to apologize for his terrible behavior in the following weeks, instead growing more and more surly and closed-off the more time they were forced to spend around each other. He’d even tried to poison the kids against him, and just because- because what? Because Ford wanted his life back? Because Ford couldn’t cheer over this stupid Mystery Shack business?

So why in the world would he make his handyman promise to keep an eye on him, like he was some child who needed watching or he’d kill himself through neglect?

And why had Soos  _ agreed _ to?

The thought plagued him for three days, the whole time he worked on a rift destabilizer so he could take care of Bill’s threat once and for all.

-/-

Ford woke up early on the fourth day to a knocking on the door. Since he’d gone to bed about an hour or so before that after finally getting the rift stabilized, he groaned and shoved his head under the pillow and hoped it’d go away soon. And it did, after awhile. Ford sighed and returned his head to a normal position on the pillow, closing his eyes only to open them again a few minutes later when he heard a voice calling through the house.

“Yo! Stan! Soos? You guys around? Hello-oo!”

Greeeat. Ford groaned and pulled himself to his feet, following the sound of the calls through the house until he’d found- the girl. Dan Corduroy’s daughter, if he guessed right, Stan’s cashier. What was her name? Wendy, right. Dipper had been obsessed with her, he thought. He definitely remembered reading quite a lot of entries about her on Dipper’s adventures in his journal.

“May I help you?” he demanded, perhaps a bit more harshly than he’d meant to. To be fair, she was in his house uninvited at- he checked the clock- six o’clock in the morning. And since he  _ knew _ he’d locked up, that meant she’d had to break in.

She spotted him. “Oh, hey Stan Two.”

“That’s not my name.”

“I just came by to see if Stan made it back from Piedmont all right. I haven’t seen him around so I wanted to check on him.”

“Ah.” Ford pinched the bridge of his nose. “I take it he didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“Stan doesn’t live here anymore.”

“What.” Wendy laughed. “Not funny, dude. Stan wouldn’t leave this place, it’s his home. He wouldn’t leave the Shack.”

“He was only living here so he could bring me back,” Ford reminded her. “The ‘Mystery Shack’ was just a way to pay the bills.”

“Yeah, so?” She looked confused. “What’s your point? It’s still his home, whatever he was living here for.”

“It’s my house.” Wendy’s brow furrowed. Was he going to have to spell things out for her? “It’s my house, not Stan’s. After he pushed me into the portal, he took over my house and name so that he could bring me back. Now he did.”

“That just brings up more reasons why he wouldn’t leave. Dude spent thirty years trying to get you back, not like he’s just gonna walk out on you once you’re here. Why would he?”

“Because,” Ford said, and stopped. He had a feeling that ‘because I asked him to’ wouldn’t be the right answer, and wasn’t sure why. It  _ was _ the right answer. He’d asked Stan to leave, and Stan had left.

“Wait…” Wendy frowned. “Wait, you threw him out didn’t you?”

“What?”

“You did!” She jabbed a finger in his direction. “He went through all that trouble to bring you back and you just kicked him out of his home! Just like that! I can’t believe you!”

Ford pinched the bridge of his nose. He shouldn’t have to explain himself to a child, and yet. “It’s not that simple. He was just fixing his mistakes when he brought me back.”

Wendy was silent for a long time, staring him down enough that his neck felt warm under the scrutiny. Finally, “Cool, that means he understood there was a mistake to fix. Now it’s your turn.”

What. “My turn for what?”

“To fix your mistakes. Grab your keys, we’re goin’ on a road trip.”

“I, uh. I don’t have a vehicle. Or a valid driver’s license.” Because, yes, that was the problem here. And a much easier one to deal with.

“That’s fine, Stan taught me how to hotwire a car, and Blubbs and Durland are easy to con, they won’t be a problem. Come on, we’ll pick up something from Bud Gleeful’s. He owes Stan a favor anyway, since Gideon tried to kill him a few weeks ago. Now come on. We’re getting Stan back.”

Ford glowered down at the girl. Who did she think she was? His choices were none of her business. “What if I don’t want him back?”

This was, apparently, the wrong thing to say, because Wendy rounded on him and Ford was  _ not _ afraid of a child, he  _ wasn’t _ , but the girl was  _ furious _ and it rolled off of her in waves so he took an instinctive step back anyway.

“Listen pal, you’ve been an absolute tit all month and I didn’t say anything cause I didn’t think it was my business, but Stan spent thirty years getting you back and if you think it’s okay to just throw him out of his home just cause you wanna be a whiny little bitch about some stupid accident, then… then  you’re no worse than your dad.”

Ford’s glare snapped back into place. “I am  _ not _ like my father.” He  _ wasn’t _ .

“Good.” She grabbed his coat off of the armchair where he’d lain it… at some point, and tossed it at him. It hit him in the face; he suspected this was on purpose. “Let’s go prove it, then.”

-/-

“This Gideon,” Ford said, following Wendy to the discount auto mart because he’d apparently lost control of his life. “You said he tried to kill Stan a few weeks ago?”

“Yeah, at the mayoral elections. You didn’t hear?”

“I- I think it may have come up? No one told me that part, though.”

“Yeah, apparently he used some mind control spell he got out of your journal to take over Bud’s body and tried to kill Stan and the kids so he could win the election.”

“Ah.”

“I mean, it worked out okay in the end. Stan and the kids were fighting- something about a mind control tie?- but once he realized they were in danger he set that aside and went to save them.”

Her remark was pointed. Ridiculously pointed. He glared down at her- she didn’t know, she didn’t understand. She was obviously biased, held some kind of affection for Stan, and was refusing to see any point of view besides her own.

Still, it was a little disturbing to know that Stan had nearly been murdered, particularly using a spell from his own journals, and then there was the mind-control tie… he’d given it to Dipper to get him out from underfoot while he dealt with the rift, it hadn’t occurred to him that things might end poorly.

A voice in his head, one that sounded suspiciously like Wendy’s, said, Yeah, and Stan didn’t realize opening the portal to save you might end poorly, either. What’s your point? He shook the thoughts away. His journals had been filled with warnings; he’d tried stressing to Stan how dangerous the portal was before Stan pushed him into it. It wasn’t the same thing at all.

Wendy was a child. A child with a temper and a one-track mind and a burning loyalty to the people she cared about, but a child nonetheless. She couldn’t understand the complexities of everything Stan had done wrong.

-/-

The car Wendy chose was a station wagon, an inconspicuous second-hand vehicle that would, according to her, not draw much attention on the road. She gestured for him to take the passenger’s seat and slid into the driver’s side, and he watched as she hotwired the car with expert hands. He could believe Stan had taught her to do that. Why he’d taught her that Ford couldn’t imagine, but he’d probably thought it was a good idea.

-/-

Ford was pretty sure this counted as kidnapping. He’d just left the city limits in a stolen car with a teenage girl who, he was fairly certain, had not bothered to check with her parents first. He certainly hadn’t, and he was pretty sure that was an important step in the road trip process.

Never mind that he was in the passenger’s seat, that said teenage girl was driving (and she had definitely learned to drive from Stan, too), or that if anyone was being moved against their will it was him. He doubted law enforcement would see it that way if Dan Corduroy got wind of where his daughter was.

“Do, uh. Do your parents know you’re leaving?”

“Wha? Oh, yeah, I should tell him, shouldn’t I?” 

She grabbed a box from her pocket- a portable cellular phone, he vaguely remembered Dipper explaining those to him- and hit a button on it. After a second, he heard Dan’s unmistakable shout from within.

“Hey dad,” she said. “I’m goin’ on a road trip with Stan’s twin brother so we can bring Stan home, okay?”

“What? Stan’s twin brother? Since when does he have a twin brother?”

“All his life, I guess. I’ll see you in a few days, okay? Love you.”

She put the phone away before he had a chance to rely. Ford sighed and sank lower in the seat. Great, now there was going to be an angry lumberjack out for his blood. Sure, he could handle it, but he really didn’t want to.

While Wendy ignored the speed limit signs and shot through a stop sign with barely a pause, he glowered out the window. This was all Stan’s fault.

-/-

**Author's Note:**

> Like this? Want to see more from me? Feel dubious about my interpretation of Ford and want to actually talk to me about my decision to portray him the way I have instead of the way you think he should be portrayed? Hit me up over on Tumblr @grifalinas! My inbox is always open and I'm happy to explain my reasoning to anyone who asks!


End file.
